I woke up this morning feeling depressed. I did not go to bed that way. I went to bed thankful and full of joy. I had a very good evening and night, last night. But this morning, I felt depressed without even being fully conscious of why. The more I woke up and let my thoughts wander, the more I realized that I was feeling like God had let me down again. I was feeling like we had pretty much reached more "deadlines" (e.g. BTU and EXXI) and that he had not yet moved.
I have thought about this day a good bit over the last several months. I have thought about what I would say or do or write, if and when God let the situation get to a point like today. Would I write a post titled, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust him"? Would I write one entitled "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil"? I didn't know. I don't normally plan in advance what I'm going to say. I try to just let the Lord lead me each time I write. Coincidentally, I did pray the last part of the 23rd Psalm back to the Lord shortly after seeing the news about Peabody this morning.
But the scripture he gave to me after reading the news wasn't any of those. Instead, he gave me Philippians 4:13, which says:
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13, BSB
Okay, I can. It's true. I can do this.
I don't understand why the Lord has led me down this path. I don't understand why he has allowed these things to happen. Why did he tell me to buy 4 different coal stocks and then have 3 of them file for bankruptcy protection? I don't know the answer to that. Why did he make it clear to me that most people who invest via financial markets are putting their trust in idols? Why did he pit me against many of those poor souls who have unwittingly become idol makers/worshipers, and then allow what looks right now like a clear victory for the idols? I don't know.
Why has he allowed this all at the exact time when my family's personal financial situation has rapidly gone from terrible to completely hopeless? Why has he done all of that, in spite of the fact that we have obeyed his directives in all of these areas? I don't know the answer to these questions.
But I love him anyway. He is good and he is worthy of all of my praise. And I trust him. He has my complete and total trust today, because that is what he deserves. He deserves for me to trust him. He has earned it. He has earned my trust by simply being who he is. Lord Jesus, I trust you today!
I praise you with my whole heart, and I thank you for all you have done for me!
In Christ's Name,